Beginer's mind

I enjoy this semester much more than the last semester.
I'm trying to go outside from the university to experience something different as I can't learn things in the university.

Recently, I did what I thought relaxed myself unconsciously.
The reason is because I felt such things were comfortable.
The reason is simple.
It is what I want to be.
I was walking slowly outside, feeling the nature such as sounds of wind, birds, falling leaves, cars, and chatting people.

On last Sunday, I went to the city to meet a woman from Japan.
She has lived in USA for more than 15 years because by coincidence she got a green card.
She has various abilities in all aspects: business, private life, and society.
She works for a restaurant though she is a writer at the same time.
She writes short articles for beauty magazines which I've read as those are from my make-up school.
She has experienced marriage with an American though she divorced with him later.
She said, we can restart what we want when we fail to do what we are doing.

Your choice is not your final decision in your life.
You can change your decision whenever you need to change it.
You'll come across a lot of unexpected wonderful experiences.
You'll see a new world after you make a decision somehow.

We are such a smart person, so we tend to use our knowledge.
We try to avoid any risk, so that in many times we hesitate to jump into a new world where there are full of attractive things for use.

Thinking of only one thing too much is important if it influences on our own way to go.
However, sometimes thinking doesn't work well.
Following our intuition is good for us when we hesitate to start a new thing even though we have a strong motivation that we want to do the thing.

She let me know that it is important for me to follow my intuition rather than think about any risk I might encounter in the future.

I want to be reminded of a beginner's mind.
When I was young, I didn't think about many things which I would be worried about because I didn't have to do so since I didn't have much knowledge to think about our complicated society.
So if I got something I wanted to do, I did immediately without any hesitation.

Knowledge is useful because we can get various opportunities by getting knowledge.
Ironically, knowledge creates a lot of options in which we have a choice whether we try to do or not, so we have to pick the option up.

If you are in your beginner's mind, you'll find what is your most important in your decision.

I hope I'll find my best decision from a lot of possibilities.

The Guest House

In today's meditation session, I met a delightful poem. Usually, when I feel anxiety at night, the feeling goes on in my mind when I encounter a new morning. "Every morning a new arrival" is good to remind in my mind. Even though I feel similar emotions in every morning, my feelings must not be the same. Everything is new. Every moment is new. Welcome everything into my mind.
Welcome my anxiety. Welcome my depression. Welcome my happiness. Welcome everything.

The Guest House

This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they are a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice.
meet them at the door laughing and invite them in.

Be grateful for whatever comes.
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.

-- Jelaluddin Rumi,
translation by Coleman Barks

Don't cry for a moon.

Since the spring semester started, I might have been crying for a moon.

Dissatisfaction...
For what?
I don't know what is the cause of my negative feeling, dissatisfaction.
Feeling dissatisfied doesn't create happiness.
I'm not lost in a maze in my way to live.

I found what I wanted to do on the future.
Finally I found my dream.
Honestly, I lost my way to go in the future after I enrolled in the university because my dream was to enroll in a high-level university since I was the six grade in the elementary school.

I might have been silly because I didn't think about a wider prospect in the future.
My aim has stopped at the point of passing the entrance exam for the university though actually I failed the exam.
I should have had a bigger dream in my entire life.
Since I enrolled in the university, I have experiences a variety of things: meeting a wide range of people regardless their age, background and race, doing a variety of part-time jobs, studying hard, going to a make-up school, working as a make-up artist, and getting a disease.
Through these experiences, I noticed that the name-brand is not important in my life.
A more valuable thing is what I experience, not the name of universities and companies.

What gives me happiness is to be involved in the beauty world.
I want to go to a beauty school again and get a license for total beauty including hair-cut skill and cosmetic skill. I want to get a still in N.Y or in San Francisco after I earn enough money to go to USA.
I want to be in the beauty world.
Many people may say what's the purpose of the graduation of the university, Why I studied hard to go to a good university while bearing spending with my friends, and why I don't take advantage of my career.

I have been thinking about what is the most suitable job for me but I couldn't find a job which matches me within the field of my career in the university.

I want to work as a make-up artist.
I know I need to get more practical skills.

I'm not sure whether or not this dream is a right decision for me.

Chocolate's cake**

I backed a chocolate's cake at 10pm in my dorm.
Recently my feeling is that I want to make my snack by myself rather than to buy one in the cafe in the university because the taste is better though it takes time so that I have to wait until the cake is backed.
I was addicted to chocolates recently. I tried to stop grabbing some chocolates at one time in my refrigerator.
I have been suffering from my migraine, especially the right back part of my brain for almost three weeks. One of my friends who will be a doctor in several years told me that cheese and chocolate are bad for a migraine.
It was funny because I made pasta with bunch of mozzarella cheese and off course ate lots of chocolates when I got her e-mail.

Now I shifted my stack from chocolates to baby carrots and oranges.

When I really seek chocolates, I buy only one of chocolate's bars or I make something sweet by myself.
The good thing in backing a cake by myself is that I can share a piece with my suite mates.
I think it's a good idea to create a closer relationship.

Rational behavior as human beings

If you cross the country, you encounter a culturally different concept which may be created by humans' illusion.

We have different laws in each country.
Speaking of the United States, they have different criteria in each state.
People are easily confused about what is a right thing in the world. It happens in a daily life that the legal behavior a parson does in a country is considered as illegal in another country.

Where do the ideas of law come from?
They should be related with politics, economics, and environment.
The significant idea based on law must come from conscience.
Conscience must be the same in each person all over the world.
Obviously each person has a totally different thought in his mind because he experiences distinctive things because a status he has, a place where he grows, and a distinctive group of people he is involved in influence his way of thinking in his entire life.
So each person may have different conscience. I believe, however, we have a common sense despite a different background.

People sometimes prefer to do a bad thing which they know clearly is not a good thing for themselves and for evaluation from society, whereas some of them who especially have a strong own faith really hate a bad behavior.

If you think the behavior your friend does is illegal but the behavior happens as a normal thing inside the culture while it is extremely criticized in your country, what do you do there?
You are in a different culture but considering humans' conscience, you know it is not good for your friend.
How can you convince her or him to understand what she or he does is a seriously bad thing she or he has to stop?
Your friend doesn't know a serious situation where she or he are.
Do you decide not to say anything to her or him?

And if you encounter the situation where you are forced to do the same thing, how can you behave? Your friend may not understand what you say though you want to reject it.
You can decide what to do in each moment. However, in order to insist on your opinion, you need to persuade your friend that your idea is right enough.

Why are you be with friend?
She is just one of my many friends but a precious friend.

Valentine's day

Valentine's day is tomorrow so that I made a chocolate cake for my friends.
I hope everyone I will give a piece of a cake tomorrow will feel happy!
I guess the taste is not bad because my roommate and I have already tasted.
Oh.. It's time to work on my crazy report now.

Slow down

I decided not to have many things to do in both my hands.

I made my schedule not tight. I hope I can get more free time to do something impressing me.

I'll apply for the volunteer in the University Hospital next week as I completed the application in which I had to get PPD test in Health Center.

If I do everything I want to do, I'll feel successful but at the same time my mind will be suffering from things facing me.
I have several choices and I can pick up one of them with my own will.
I chose dropping some classes to make more free time.
I think I'm on the right way now.