Begin the new semester

The semester stated. Before going to the first classes, I was so exited with the new classes, new professors, and new friends.

However, these classes were so tough for me to catch up. Just at the beginning of the semester, I've already have lots of things to do due to the nest week. I don't know why now I am so depressed but I am. I know feeling depression now is so ridiculous because I can arrange my life as whatever I want, whatever I seek. I have a choice about what to do, what to pick up, how to spend my time, and whom I have relationship with.

So...
What was the purpose of studying abroad for me?
Let me look back on what I was seeking at that time.
I wanted to have more time to feel relaxed.
I wanted to walk more slowly.
I wanted to be free from lots of tasks which I had to complete as soon as possible.
I wanted to do what I really want to do.

I know that what I feel as things I must do is not really what I must do.
In fact I don't have to do these things usually.
However, I feel that I must do them. And once I work on my tasks, I will feel so much stress, suffering myself without any reason.
Event though I know that studying is not important for me in studying abroad here, I'm trying to get into the classes through which I guess I can get the useful skill in my future business life. Obviously, they tend to be hard to catch up on.

The thing in which I won't get stress is not the same as what I want to get to be an ideal woman in the future. If I want to become an attractive woman who I seek to be, I have to overcome some hardship.
Honestly, I want to get both things to feel relaxed and things to get a glorious achievement.
I think I can get both of them but it might be difficult to get both because both seem to be opposite. Actually it's not opposite. If I achieve the thing I am seeking, I will experience super happiness I've never experienced even though I go through lots of hard ways.

What people want is really tricky. In other ways, that's why we have to overcome our hardship by ourselves.

Still, I didn't find any direction to go.
I should go to Central Park in the city or South Ferry where there is the statue of liberty in the next weekend. I hope I can find some hints.